Your best

I grew up learning all about giving my best to God. Its a lesson that makes sense; when you love somebody you give the best of what you have - not the left overs.

But, what happens when you feel like all you have are left overs ? What happens when you're convinced that there is just no best, better, good or even mediocre in your life? What happens if no matter how hard you try, you just continually fail.

The wise men had riches, the shepherds had sheep, the drummer boy had a drum.

What happens if you have nothing, and even after people try to convince you that there's good, you still feel like there's nothing ? Worse yet, what happens if what you've got is actually bad - bitterness, envy, anger, no self-control, selfishness and those are just the feelings, there is a whole load of actions that come out of those. What's if that's what you have ?

Somewhere lost in the "Give God Your Best" sermon is that God wants it all. He really does.

So, what happens Sunday morning when you're supposed to be singing songs about the wonders of God and all you can think of is bitterness and anger. What do you give God then ? Do you pack up and go home ? I've done that. It doesn't help.

Is it enough when all you can give is actually rotten ? What do you do ? Cut off the rotten bits and give Him the clean stuff ? Nope.

You give it all. The whole rotten apple. Don't try and fix it or clean it up without God. Don't try and hide it under pretty things. That's exhausting and it doesn't work.

So, what does this look like, practically ?

I don't know. I think it looks different in every person. For me, it means admitting to God that I'm far from perfect, that I'm full of unlovely feelings and actions. I don't sing louder and pretend that nothing is going on. I stop singing and tell God I'm mad at that person, I'm jealous of that person, and I can't get past how that other person hurt me, and that I'm scared to talk to Him because I feel fake. And, that I'm sorry for it.

Sometimes, it gets better, sometimes it doesn't. And, many times I have to deal with the exact same issues again next week, next day, next hour even.

I guess its part of the Journey with God - learning that its ok to give Him these things. Over time He makes good things from the nasties.