Blogs resulting of resumes

I promise myself to blog every morning that I am at a computer :D.

I'm trying to work on my resume. This place that I'm working is weighing me down so much. I'm not sure where all this is coming from. I have so much resentment, so much hatred, so much self-doubt to work through just to be able to write down the work that I've done. It is no wonder that I've avoided putting this thing together.

As to this immense weight - I'm guessing of emotion. I feel like this place is poison to me. But, I'm not sure if it's the place, or my imagination, or my experiences in this place that are so poisonous. It is exhausting to come in to work sometimes. Things have been pretty alright until I had to work on my resume.

When will I be free from everything that has happened here ? I've forgiven as much as I can; I've fought to not hate or condemn. But, I still walk with a heaviness, a fear, a something....I feel like I'm always fighting to prove myself (I don't want to be doing that), and that I can never succeed.

Do I need to leave this place of work before things can get better ? Do I need to stay until things are better ? This certainly is not abundant life. It's rather suffocating actually.